Alexithymia : Please Don't Get Up Close And Personal
Alexithymia - the inability to speak about one’s own
emotions verbally
This semester I have taken on an elective that requires
putting your own personal spin to hand drawings. From designing interventions
for a specific group of people to creating wearable architecture out of party
supplies to designing a facade, it was rather cathartic to apply my own
personality to these drawings (I also forgotten how much I missed hand
drawing). But it was onto our third assignment when my friend and I were
discussing about how we have to present our drawings that she said something
that struck me.
“I don’t like being personal with my projects”
Considering that I have always enjoyed creating artworks
that is a personal reflection of my mindset and enjoy writing melancholic
thoughts on tumblr, I’ve never really considered that people like to be very
private about their own feelings since our designs are a response to a specific
matter that we enjoy talking about. However, to look more in-depth of this
elective, some of my friends prefer to distant their emotional self while
presenting their work, which also made sense the reason why a lot of my peers
were intimidated by our tutor when he advertised that this elective was going
to be ‘ALL ABOUT [US]’ (hence the reason why our class is very small compared
to others).
It is interesting, to think that architecture is such a
private matter - indeed, we have a beautiful or plain looking exterior however
we can never really be confident about the interior of the spaces. In addition
- there is that common stereotype that we are so worn down but wanting to keep
that dignity that we could face any challenges that we prefer to present some
emotional detachment from our work. Personally, I’d like to question whether we
are architecture students are afraid of being vulnerable to prevent ourselves
being torn to shreds by our critics. On top of that, does exposing your own
emotions guarantee a certain sign that we are not strong enough as designers?
Louise Bourgeois once said “some artists say to make work
readable for the public is the artist’s responsibility, but I don’t agree with
that. The only responsibility is to be absolutely truthful to the self”. I
couldn’t agree more with that. However, there is that constant struggle as a
designer when you want to adhere to your own feelings despite clashing with the
client’s needs. Looking back at my past entry, I wonder if the reason why sometimes architects
don’t feel a sense of responsibility should their buildings go horribly wrong
is because of the certain level of detachment they have with the final outcome.
During one of our Professional Practice lectures, Karen
McWilliam (one of Elenberg Fraser’s Principals) pointed out: sometimes there
are decisions that are beyond their control yet they still have responsibility
attached to it. I guess from her accounts of certain buildings which they have
no control whatsoever despite being sued for their main design singles out the
complicated relationships within this field. Moreover, perhaps it is the many
experience of projects that have come and gone also changed the level of
emotional attachment to designing, after all - once the building is done, you
hand over the keys and the door is perhaps closed off to you forever.
In retrospect, I’d like to think that everyone in my year
level have been vulnerable with their projects - moreover our tutors too. We
spend so many hours and dare I say a few sleepless nights to produce these
ideas via lines and imagery that would be supported by or words that we could
easily formulate. However, it is still rather difficult to properly express
ourselves when we are forced to design something that is a self-reflection of
our beliefs.
But let’s bring this back to architectural studies that is
preparing us for professional practice - at what point should projects be
highly personal? Does being emotionally invested in projects affect the outcome
of the design? Otherwise, will emotional attachment eventually become a burden
or a great responsibility for clients to bear? Yet does being emotionally
invested bring a level of empathy to the design brief?
I guess the ultimate answer really lies in the level of
professionalism in our work ethic alongside our communication skills.
Personally I’d like to imagine that it is okay for me to let
my heart sit on my sleeves, but maybe that statement may be retracted once I
dive deeper into reality.
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