Heroine Phenomena V: Hanging On By The Thread of Sanity During Unemployment
* Published on 11 September 2019
“All it takes is one” - Sarah Moses, Single Woman Seeking Manwich, The New York Times, May 13, 2016
How do you stay positive when your positivity and optimism slowly disappears?
It has been nearly five months since my return from Hong Kong. My heart was carrying the voices of anxiety and panic when I returned - and my tongue was still suffering from occasional bouts of fear whenever the past would come creeping onto my shoulders.
I have been carrying anxiety unknowingly throughout childhood - and it only decide to make a grand appearance in the wake of my masters. While I have managed to confront it by seeing a therapist, it still lies there in the dark, threatening to come and turn on a record of voices I don’t want to hear.
Here is something that not many publicise when it comes to anxiety. Already, I have witnessed many comments on the stress we receive during our education or during work place - but rarely anyone would speak of the worries that sits in the back of our mind during unemployment. In a field that is inevitably competitive - it is easy to fall prey to hopelessness and despair. It doesn’t help either when there is societal pressure that eats you constantly about being successful and independent (financially independent). Let alone, the mounting pressure and support of your friends, while helpful, can sometimes still cast a cloud of doubt, and it makes you question altogether where your worth lies.
During my first two months of unemployment, I was fumbling through my spreadsheets and emails - desperately searching for jobs and any place with hope that they would believe in me. It is hard when we are forced to eat the humble pie as each rejection letter piles on top of one another, and it is very hard to stay optimistic in the midst of the storm of desperation. Reading countless forums about the unemployment depression doesn’t help, nor seeing job posts that always wants experienced people.
It really sometimes does feel like finding a needle in a haystack. Sometimes, no matter how involved you are with architecture issues, it always comes down to experience - when we are catapulted into a world where time is of the essence, people, who are in a hurry to complete projects and move onto the next job would want someone who holds their ground and be able to complete tasks with minimal time spent on training. It is indeed a defeating notion, but at the end of the day, should we place ourselves in the employer’s position, ultimately we are more likely to favour those with more experience. We can only try to find someone who will see potential in us through the cover letters and give us the opportunity for us to shine in person.
I’ve already encountered many who are willing to work unpaid - and while it is currently under the scrutiny of the public sphere, unfortunately it is how society works from time to time. If that is the case of getting experience - then it begs the question, where do we put the value of our experience?
So to those who are currently still job hunting despite all the push backs - I applaud you for being able to continue to push through. It is difficult to not lose sight of your ambition, albeit, remember that everyone is capable of getting a job, it is only a matter of time before you encounter someone who believes strongly and sees potential in you. It takes one to make you feel all kinds of hope.
And take every rejection in your stride - each rejection is an experience, and each rejection is also an additional layer to your armour. We all can do it, just need to keep persisting.
Sometimes I sit on my therapist’s couch (or on anyone’s couch) and I am filled with questions of what if? (the ultimate killer question).
What if I stayed longer in Hong Kong?
What if I started working internships earlier?
What if I stayed in my firm longer?
What if…?
But that is pointless now, I’ve moved on and now I just have to keep pushing myself.
All it takes is one person.
Some confidence.
Some hope.
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